I still look the same on the outside, but when I lost my twin I changed on the inside.
I left home to go to college before my sister died and no-one knew me as a twin, so I was just ‘me’ to them. I was never just ‘me’ to me.
But then I was. It’s a very hard thing to describe, being born a twin, but an even harder thing to describe once they have gone. My sense of identity was thrown into chaos – who am I?, what am I now?. Of course I was still me, but my life status had changed, I had to describe myself in a different way.
It takes a long time to come to terms with losing someone you love and someone so close, someone who is at the core of your very essence of being.
Sometimes I think that I am past the grief now, nearly 27 years after she died, but there will always be the moments, the ones that I have to keep inside.
If I had to give up any sense it would probably be smell, I get the waft from the pig farms now and again so it would be nice not to smell that. What I wouldn’t want to give up is my sight, in fact, the thought of it scares me into a (not so) mild panic. I cherish this sense with every fibre of my being.
I have a friend who has been blind from birth and is now in his early 40’s. He lives his life exactly as we with all our senses do and is, I would say, 99% independent. I saw him last Saturday and he told me about his bell ringing (big church bells) and about how much he enjoys it. He said that he had to be careful not to do too much though, as it causes calluses on his fingers, which means that he can’t read braille or use his phone.
I just couldn’t stop thinking about this and how careful he has to be because his hands are his eyes.
Well, happy days for little me! Both the prints in the two previous posts got accepted into the Thoresby Open this week – I am so thrilled I can’t tell you!
The show is on from 7th – 29th Sept 2013 – check it out at www.thoresbycourtyard.com.
Going to have a look myself this weekend, looking forward to seeing all the other artist’s work..appraising the competition!