Weekly photo challenge: inside

Who am I?
Who am I?

I still look the same on the outside, but when I lost my twin I changed on the inside.

I left home to go to college before my sister died and no-one knew me as a twin, so I was just ‘me’ to them. I was never just ‘me’ to me.
But then I was. It’s a very hard thing to describe, being born a twin, but an even harder thing to describe once they have gone. My sense of identity was thrown into chaos – who am I?, what am I now?. Of course I was still me, but my life status had changed, I had to describe myself in a different way.
It takes a long time to come to terms with losing someone you love and someone so close, someone who is at the core of your very essence of being.
Sometimes I think that I am past the grief now, nearly 27 years after she died, but there will always be the moments, the ones that I have to keep inside.





  1. So beautiful. I don’t think we ever get past grief entirely. Sometimes it feels like we lost that special person just yesterday and the emotions are raw all over again. I am sorry for your loss especially of someone so close, so like yourself,


    1. Thank you for your kind comment. You are right, I don’t think we get past grief, we just get better at living with it. I can go for months or even years without thinking about it, then some tiny little thing will make me crumble to my knees. It is an overwhelming thing to deal with and we don’t feel like we have the strength but somehow our own life force just won’t let us give up.


  2. Not being a twin, I can not fully understand the impact of your loss but, having recently lost my wife, I’m interested in the insights of those who are farther along the road. Thank you for sharing this.


    1. Hi Bill, thank you for your sweet comment. I was a bit wary of posting anything about it on here but thought, hell, this is my blog and it’s about me, warts an’ all.
      Today is, in fact, 27 years since I lost my sister at the age of 20 (yeah, I’m that old), so your comment is weirdly timely. I think that all I can say about the grieving process (with the benefit of years of hindsight) is – ‘long journey, small steps’ (to quote Confucious?). I do actually have a hell of a lot more to say about it but that’s it in a nutshell. Take care.


  3. I hesitate writing you, but as you say, is your Blog and you wrote for you and for sharing your feelings about grief, your grief!
    One thing very important that I’ve learned is that ‘living person’ cannot share the same space with ‘deads’. And this thing is as fundamental as it is breathing! but I thing in you there are the Grief and what that concerns your Identity when you put your question Who am I ?
    The ways for doing the way for each one , even if complementaries, are in many forms differents. I don’t know your spiritual or religious beliefs but budhist lectures or readings (that isn’t a religion, but a philosophy of Life) could be very interesting for meditating about that so important and suffering questions!


    1. Dear Namaste,
      Thank you for your comment and I do agree with you that us living cannot carry the dead around with us, it is too damaging. But, I would say that it is part of the grieving process and little by little we have to learn to leave them alone.
      I am not religious at all as I try to believe in humanity here on earth and how we can help each other through our own experiences.


  4. 🙂 Namaste literally means “salutations to you” (See in wikipedia)
    I’m ‘vatelechuza (vate =sinonym of poet in Spanish, and ‘lechuza’ =owl, because a nocturnal bird 🙂

    Thanks for your answer. I dont have any religion, but spiritual things sometimes help us to transcend the only ‘terrenal’ way of existence! Have a very good day and week!


  5. Ha ha!! What an idiot I am! I thought I had seen that word before and thought it meant something..I should have looked that up…
    So you are a poet-owl ;O), how very lovely! Have a good day yourself!


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