I still look the same on the outside, but when I lost my twin I changed on the inside.
I left home to go to college before my sister died and no-one knew me as a twin, so I was just ‘me’ to them. I was never just ‘me’ to me.
But then I was. It’s a very hard thing to describe, being born a twin, but an even harder thing to describe once they have gone. My sense of identity was thrown into chaos – who am I?, what am I now?. Of course I was still me, but my life status had changed, I had to describe myself in a different way.
It takes a long time to come to terms with losing someone you love and someone so close, someone who is at the core of your very essence of being.
Sometimes I think that I am past the grief now, nearly 27 years after she died, but there will always be the moments, the ones that I have to keep inside.